Abusive relationship

Around 9% of teens are in an abusive relationship. Are being abused without even knowing it? Abuse is not only about being hit or called degrading names. Sometimes, feeling like you’re walking on eggshell all the times is also a type of abuse. An abusive relationship can include sexual, emotional and physical abuse, and can also involve control of finances.

Psychological abuse or emotional abuse are the kind of abuse that often sneak up into your relationship. Psychological abuse is when a person tries to control information with the intent of manipulating the other person in the relationship.

It often includes strong emotional manipulation which are designed to force the victim to comply with the abuser’s wishes.

 People don’t plan to enter abusive relationship, it just happen. Thinking that the abusive behaviour is your fault, is often a common feeling. But it is important to know that you are never to blame for another person’s behaviour.

You might be in an abusive relationship if:

1.      Your partner gets jealous

2.      Tries to control your behaviour

3.      Insults you in public or private

4.      Threatens to harm you, your pets or people you love

5.      Makes you feel scared

What are the signs of an abusive relationship?

a.       Possessiveness: checking on you all the time, trying to control your behaviour.

b.      Jealousy: accusing you with no good reason, blaming your male/female friends, isolating you from your friends and family, constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends

c.       Put down: putting you down in private or in public by attacking your mental health, intelligence…, constantly blaming you for all the problems in the relationship, for their violent behaviour.

d.      Threats: threatening to hurt the people you love, you or your pets. He/ she makes statements such as, "I'll break your neck," but then dismisses it with "I really didn't mean it."

e.       Physical and sexual violence: making you do things that you don’t want, harming your family and friends.

f.       Twists the truth to make you feel like you are to blame

g.      There’s quick involvement, hence pressurizing you in an exclusive commitment. For example, saying things like “I’ve never felt loved like this”

h.      He/she blames others for his own mistakes. The boss, family, you - it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.

i.        He/ she makes everyone else responsible for their feelings. The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of "I'm angry." "I wouldn't get so pissed off if you wouldn't... Sometimes the violent person may even blame you – saying things like 'it wouldn't have happened if you didn’t…'. Things might settle down for a little while but it’s often only a matter of time before the build-up to violence starts again.

j.        There is hypersensitivity. He/she is easily insulted and will often rant and rave about injustices that are just part of life.

k.      He/she has sudden mood swings. He/she switches from loving to angry in a matter of minutes.

What should you do if you’re in an abusive relationship?

If you are experiencing any type of abuse, you shouldn’t feel that you have to stay in that relationship. If you feel that you love someone but often feel afraid, it's time to get out of the relationship. Make sure you’re safe. Get a trusted adult or friend to help you. Avoid isolating from your friends or family. Don’t rely on yourself to get out of the situation alone. Seek help from the people you trust or local authorities. It is important to surround you with people who love you and care you; they’ll help you to break free from such relationships.

You are meant to be loved and you’re worth respect. Never let anyone make you experience that kind of fear. Abuse is wrong!

Love,

Miss Chashmish.